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sne_mod ([personal profile] sne_mod) wrote in [community profile] sn_exchange2009-08-25 03:07 pm

For: [profile] cupricanka

For: [profile] cupricanka
Title: Pointing the Blame
Rating: R
Summary: Naruto and Sasuke are college dorm-mates. When Naruto’s penchant for mischief evolves into somewhat of a prank war between him and Sasuke, things get out of hand.
Warnings: fistfights, HJ, language
A/N: Originally I’d tried working with your more specific prompts, but it didn’t go the way I wanted, so I decided to go for the “as open as possible” suggestion. I tried to make the content more tasteful and less explicit in order to fit a slightly-lower rating. I hope I accomplished it well enough to fit your preference. :)
Mod note: Reminder for the author/artist of this submission, please do not reply to comments signed in, if you want to reply anon commenting is enabled.

Pointing the Blame

“Uzumaki, you absolute moron!!”

Naruto Uzumaki scrunched his shoulders, automatically going into defensive mode as his roommate’s angry yell reverberated down the hall outside their dorm room. Naruto quickly relaxed, though, as he was really starting to get used to his roommate’s tendency to shout at him for silly things. Shrugging uncaringly to himself, he returned to his previous task: eating his morning ramen.

A door slammed open, and if Naruto had been paying attention, he would have noticed the quite obvious sound of Sasuke’s feet stalking towards him. However, in the presence of heavenly, drool-worthy ramen, nearly everything faded into the background. After all, his roommate always returned from the showers already dressed, so it wasn’t like Naruto was going to catch a glimpse of Sasuke’s pale-but-equally-drool-worthy physique.

He did, however, notice the finger suddenly pointing in his face, practically jabbing his nose. Naruto went cross-eyed.

You,” Sasuke seethed, again jabbing at the cross-eyed Naruto’s nose. “You used the last of my hair gel!”

Blinking rapidly, Naruto squawked, “What?! No I didn’t! Who’d want to use your prissy-pants hair gel, anyway?!”

You would.” Sasuke’s finger jabbed again.

Naruto’s face twisted up in a scowl as he reared his head back, away from the continually-offending finger, simultaneously smacking Sasuke’s hand away.

“Well, so what if I did?! I only wanted to see what all the fuss about it was. Personally, I don’t really see a diff—”

Before Naruto could finish his sentence, Sasuke growled and lunged both his hands into Naruto’s spiked blond hair, grabbing and yanking his fingers through the still-slimy strands. Naruto gave an undignified screech of pain and surprise, but before he could properly retaliate, Sasuke had already pulled away and stalked over to the mirror on his wall with his retrieved stolen goods in hand.

Maybe it wouldn’t be enough to properly style his hair the way he liked—maybe his actions had been a bit childish—but damn, it was worth it. Normally he wasn’t one to stoop to someone else’s level, but when it came to Naruto it was, more often than not, too hard to resist. Getting back at that guy was always immensely satisfying, especially when Naruto’s blue eyes burned with rage and indignation at having been bested—yet again—by Sasuke.

Sasuke’s sense of triumph didn’t last long, however, because when he attempted to style his hair with the gel on his hands, he found that the gel had already become sticky from drying to his skin. With an annoyed sound erupting from the back of his throat, Sasuke snatched Naruto’s huge, cheap bottle of hair gel off the top of his dresser and eyed it with disgust. The orange coloring of it better not show up on his hair, or Naruto was going to get another tongue-lashing this morning.


A few days later, Naruto had just settled comfortably into his seat at the back of his class when suddenly a hand smacked the back of his head.

“Ow! What the fuck, asshole?!” the assaulted boy exclaimed, clutching the back of his head as he turned an indignant scowl to his attacker. He wasn’t entirely surprised to find it was his dorm-mate-cum-classmate, Sasuke Uchiha.

Without replying, or acknowledging in any way the blond’s presence or outrage, Sasuke took a seat at the desk directly behind Naruto, getting out his laptop, textbook, and pen just as the professor started his lecture.

Naruto, however, was never one to be accused of being studious. He found the matter of his assault much more important than whatever the History professor was yammering on about.

“Oi, asshole, I’m talkiin’ to you!” Naruto whispered angrily, at least having the consideration to try not to disturb his other classmates—or garner his professor’s currently-unwanted attention.

Dark eyes swiveled in his direction for a brief moment before returning their attention to the laptop Sasuke was currently typing on.

Biting back a growl, Naruto turned back around in his seat, determined to equally ignore the boy behind him. It wasn’t so easy, though, because besides being annoyed with Sasuke’s disregard, Naruto was bored.

Usually, Sasuke got to class before him, and Naruto would take a seat beside or behind him in order to mess with him during class. Throwing bits of paper or eraser, poking Sasuke with the eraser-end of his pencil, whispering at him repeatedly until Sasuke finally turned his attention to Naruto, only to have Naruto smile and wave ‘hi’. It didn’t matter to Naruto that these things were juvenile and should’ve been left behind in primary school. Annoying Sasuke was immensely amusing and helped pass the time when Naruto would otherwise be bored out of his mind. However, this time, Sasuke was seated behind him, making Naruto’s usual tactics much more difficult without actually disrupting class.

For once, Naruto decided to abandon his most-loved pastime and actually pay attention to class. Just as his thoughts were becoming more focused, and his notebook page was being filled with more class notes than doodles, Naruto felt something poke the back of his neck. Distractedly, he swatted at the feeling, finding nothing but his own hair tickling the nape of his neck. He rubbed at the phantom feeling briefly, then returned to his notes. A moment later, he felt it again. Again he swiped at the feeling, finding nothing. The third time it happened, Naruto could swear he almost caught something, and the fourth time, he was waiting for it.

“Ha!” he exclaimed just a tad too loud as he caught the pen poking the back of his neck.

Naruto’s classmates, being just a little used to his random outbursts and mischief, barely spared him a glance before ignoring his antics again. Naruto didn’t care either way as he turned around and glared at the owner of the pen, his heart beating a little faster with anticipation, knowing it could only be one person. Despite his tinge of annoyance, Naruto was actually excited at the idea of Sasuke initiating class-time distraction.

“I knew it, bastard! What do you want?” Naruto whispered, tugging on Sasuke’s pen triumphantly.

Sasuke easily won the battle for the writing utensil, having hit his blond opponent succinctly over the head with his textbook in order to gain the upper hand. Rubbing his head and glaring at Sasuke the Cheater, Naruto opened his mouth to let loose a stream of obscenities concerning Sasuke’s bastardly cheating ways and inability to not take everything so freaking seriously. Before Naruto’s choice words could leave the confines of his vocal chords, however, Sasuke simply turned his laptop around and pointed to the screen.

Naruto narrowed his eyes at the dark haired boy before leveling his gaze on the words typed on the open document.

I know what you did, stupid, Naruto read.

His already-narrowed eyes became slits at the insult. Sure, he was almost used to Sasuke insulting him all the time, but did he always have to use an insult instead of his actual name? Then, as the rest of the note finally sunk in, his eyes practically closed in confused contemplation.


Really, there were any number of things Sasuke could be referring to, and Naruto couldn’t recall anything he’d done recently enough for it to have Sasuke’s panties in a twist all of a sudden. Well, except for stealing all of Sasuke’s highlighters, leaving him only pens for underlining in his books—but that wasn’t really anything new.

Sasuke’s mouth twisted sourly and he spun his laptop back around to face him so fast the little rubber bumpers on the bottom squeaked against his desk, fingers immediately clacking the keys furiously. The clacking stopped, and Sasuke turned the laptop around again.

You changed the tone of your alarm, the new note said, right under the previous one.

One blond eyebrow lifted as Naruto read this. Yes, he’d changed the alarm tone on his phone, because the other one never seemed to wake him up on time, but so what?

“And?” he prompted with an incredulous laugh in his tone.

This was what had Sasuke all irritable? Naruto shuddered to think what Sasuke would do when he found out about the other things Naruto had actually done purposely. Maybe he should rethink that prank he’d set up on Sasuke’s phone, when he switched the ringtones Sasuke had set for his father and Karin. It might also be a good idea to cancel that Disney Character Call Sasuke was due to get in a couple days from Cinderella.

After a muted huff of irritation, Sasuke had begun typing again.

You made me late.

Sasuke’s logic was really not making any sense to Naruto and, really, it was still just too early in the morning for him to continue trying to figure the Uchiha out. So, rather than continue trying, Naruto simply rolled his eyes and turned back around. He couldn’t believe the day had finally come when he’d rather pay attention in class than distract himself with Sasuke. Maybe the fact that he was the one being annoyed this time, rather than the one doing the annoying, had something to do with it. It didn’t do anything to deter his thoughts of continuing to annoy Sasuke in the future, however.

With his back again to Sasuke, Naruto didn’t see the scowl of frustration that briefly overtook Sasuke’s expression. He couldn’t just come out and tell Naruto that he’d gotten used to waking to the sound of the blond’s alarm in the mornings. Because Naruto tended to sleep in, his alarm was set nearly an hour ahead of when he needed to get up, and because their morning schedules were very similar, Sasuke had actually stopped using his own alarm a couple months ago, seeing as Naruto’s alarm would have Sasuke waking up well before his own anyway.

Indeed, it had become such an ingrained habit to wake to the sound of an annoyingly popular song (even more-annoyingly remixed), turn off the alarm as soon as he could, go about his morning routine, and graciously wake the still-sleeping blond with a thrown sneaker or textbook. And now, Naruto had apparently changed the alarm on his phone to one of the defaults, causing Sasuke to subconsciously designate it as irrelevant and ignore it, therefore not waking on time and finally making it to class just seconds before the lecture started.

Of course Sasuke would never tell Naruto this, but that didn’t mean he didn’t halfway wish the blond would figure it out on his own. At the very least, Naruto could have woken Sasuke up before he left the damn dorm!

Feeling rather impotent about expressing these thoughts without appearing a bit silly—after all, he was the one who’d relied on an absolute dunce’s dependability as an alarm-provider—Sasuke decided continuing to poke Naruto with his pen would provide the best relief to his current irritation. So he did.

Twenty minutes later—when Naruto had a red mark that was closer to purple and would last until after lunch, he and Sasuke both had ink splatters on them from when Naruto had finally grabbed the pen and busted it in two, and they’d been politely asked to leave by the professor—the two of them stood just outside the classroom door, glaring at each other.

Suddenly, a sheepish grin overtook Naruto’s sunkissed face as he stopped rubbing the sore spot on his neck in favor of scratching one whisker-marked cheek.

“So, uh… wanna grab lunch before your next class?”

Sasuke correctly interpreted this as Naruto’s not-so-subtle apology, and knew the blond must have finally figured out Sasuke’s reasoning.

“You’re buying,” Sasuke replied as his way of accepting Naruto’s apology.

“Then we’re having ramen,” Naruto informed him stubbornly, still not convinced he should have to take the blame, whether Sasuke believed so or not.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes, making a face of disgust. His only protest, however, was a short hiss through his teeth, “Tch.”

Naruto stuck his tongue out in response before leading the way out of the building, hitching his backpack up on his shoulder as he walked. With his back to Sasuke, he missed the smirk of utter amusement that overtook the dark eyed boy’s face, having seen two inky fingerprints smudged on Naruto’s cheek before he turned. Sasuke actually had to repress a chuckle when he saw matching smudges on the back of Naruto’s neck.

Naruto’s red face and embarrassed screech several minutes later, when “the cute ramen girl” (as Naruto annoyingly called her) Ayame pointed out the smudges to him, made it even better. It was even worth the punch in the arm Naruto didn’t hold back on when he realized Sasuke had known all along and hadn’t warned him.


Three days later, at three o’clock in the morning, Sasuke woke to the sound of his phone ringing. His subconscious apparently having learned its lesson about ignoring strange rings, Sasuke woke promptly to answer it, despite the fact that the ringtone should have alerted him it was a number not saved in his directory, and therefore most likely not important.

As the cheerfully animated voice of some girl he didn’t recognize greeted him a syrupy good morning, Sasuke immediately realized he should have thought better of answering. Confused by his half-wakefulness and the unorthodox nature of this wake-up call, it took Sasuke some time to realize what was going on. Cinderella had finally introduced herself by then, in fact, and Sasuke growled into the phone before ending the call abruptly. He almost threw the small device at the sleeping blond on the other side of the room, but thought better of it and threw the first thing he could grasp nearby that wasn’t breakable.

The pillow had little effect on the still-softly-snoring boy, and Sasuke rather regretted no longer having a pillow to sleep on. So, he grudgingly got up, stalked over to Naruto’s bed, snatched his pillow off Naruto’s head, and briefly gave in to the desire to suffocate the boy with said pillow before abruptly pulling it away. He didn’t quite have the will for murder, 3am Disney Princess Call or no. Having given up on his first instinct, Sasuke soundly smacked the top of the idiot’s blond head hard enough to leave his hand stinging long after he’d wordlessly stalked back to bed, ignoring Naruto’s shocked curse of pain as he curled back into his preferred sleeping position.

With his arms tucked around his pillow and his face pressed snuggly against it, Sasuke dimly wondered why his pillow smelled so good, before quickly drifting back off to sleep.


The next morning, Naruto was glad he managed to wake up before Sasuke got back from the showers. He had to change those ringtones back before something else he’d nearly forgotten about gained him a pounding head injury in the middle of the night.


A week later, Naruto was eating lunch on campus surrounded by a group of his friends when a hush suddenly went through the room table by table. Curious at the odd lack of noise and chatter, he interrupted his conversation with Kiba and looked towards where the phenomenon had first started, only to see a policeman stalking purposefully through the crowd.

He wasn’t just one of the campus security guys, either. This guy’s uniform was blue where the security officers’ were a greenish-grey, and he was much younger than any of the campus police Naruto had seen around, too. Probably not much older than Naruto, in fact.

A mischievous smirk spread across Naruto’s face as he looked around, wondering who was about to get in trouble, and what they’d done. A few other people were doing the same, and low murmurs were starting to buzz through the room.

Naruto singled out the most likely suspects. Suigetsu? He was always playing with his huge pocket knife and grinning with those God-awful teeth at people all menacingly… but, wait, Naruto didn’t see him at his usual table with Karin and Juugo. Oh yeah, Sasuke had told him Suigetsu had gotten in a fight with Karin the other day over campus politics and was still in the hospital. Hmm, Karin? Nah, Naruto highly doubted Suigetsu would want to get her in trouble badly enough to admit to being beat up by a girl. Sasuke and Juugo had been the only witnesses, since it had happened during a study group the four of them had together, and Naruto figured those two wouldn’t be tattling any time soon, either. Then again, Karin could have finally had sexual harassment charges put against her by some guy… but that wouldn’t really get her arrested, would it?

Thinking of sexual harassment, if they did arrest people for that, they might be looking for Professor Orochimaru. It was a public secret that Orochimaru had a habit of having an illicit affair with his best student each semester. (Naruto had never been happier to do so poorly in a class than when he’d taken Orochimaru’s Bio-Chemistry class. He’d also been all too happy to find Sasuke steaming one day—sometime before the new semester started—over the class already being full when he’d gone to register for it. Because the thought of sharing a dorm room with someone who’d had sex—willing or otherwise—with that sick, creepy, old guy gave Naruto the willies! Yeah, that was why.)

But Naruto had never actually seen the creepy professor outside his labs, so it seemed unlikely they’d be looking for him here. So it must be someone else… or maybe Naruto was completely wrong and the cop wasn’t here to arrest anyone. After all, didn’t they usually send two officers to arrest people? As the cop stepped closer and closer to his table, though, and seemed to have his sights set straight on Naruto, the blond started to feel a little nervous.

Naruto began wracking his brain for a list of the most recent things he’d done that could possibly have pissed someone off enough to call the cops on him. He’d always been a trickster by nature, but he’d never actually done anything with the intention of being criminal. Still, he did like to rile people up, and some people made it irresistible to try pushing their limits to the max. He couldn’t think of anything that would warrant the police being called, though. In fact, he hadn’t really messed with anyone other than Sasuke in the past month.

Naruto felt a spark of realization go through him at that, but he didn’t get a chance to form a complete thought around it before the policeman was finally standing beside him at the table.

“Naruto Uzumaki?” the man asked.

Naruto gulped, and took a moment to squint betrayed eyes at his friends, all of whom were pointing at him.

“Y-yeah..?” Naruto answered, too busy trying to think of a way out of this situation—his eyes avoiding the officer’s in order to check all his escape routes—to notice the appraising look the cop gave him.

“You’re in big trouble,” the cop informed him, his voice dropping dangerously.

Naruto felt beads of sweat forming on his forehead and the back of his neck, one of them sliding down the side of his face.

What the heck had he done?!

Just as he was considering his chances of outrunning this fit-looking officer in order to escape a detainment he didn’t deserve—nevermind that running would only make him look guilty and get him in more trouble; he didn’t have the forethought for that at the moment—the cop suddenly grabbed the front of his own pants and ripped them off. Naruto’s eyes widened at the sight of tiny, matching short shorts underneath the ripped-off pants, doing nothing to hide the package within, and completely exposing the man’s pale, lithely-muscled legs and black tactical boots.

Completely bewildered, Naruto’s brain didn’t catch up to the meaning of the situation until the pumping beat of club music started blaring from somewhere nearby. If his eyes had been wide before, now they were practically bulging out of his head as the “cop” started thrusting his hips to the rhythm of the music.


Sasuke allowed himself to indulge in a dark snicker as he watched the scene unfolding before him, sipping at his coffee from the safety of a shadowy corner in the large cafeteria. He didn’t think he could have planned it better than this. It was definitely worth the significant lightness he now felt in his wallet. He’d paid with cash, after all—couldn’t have his parents getting wind of something like this by looking at the monthly credit card statement.

He was also really glad Aburame had agreed to take care of the music part. A cop carrying a boombox would definitely have spoiled the shock he clearly saw etched into Naruto’s tanned face. Then again, it was Naruto… but that dunce had proven more than once that his brain had a tendency for random acts of clarity and insight. Sasuke thought it was better he hadn’t taken his chances. All it had taken was the mention of how Naruto tended to greet Aburame with, “Hey you,” rather than his name. The reason being that Naruto could never seem to remember Shino Aburame’s name. It may also have helped when Sasuke mentioned that Naruto’s other name for Shino was, “That Creepy Bug Guy.”

Sasuke watched with deeply-relished satisfaction as the nearly-pantsless stripper started undoing his uniform shirt and pulled it off to reveal a tight, black belly shirt underneath. He pulled the uniform shirt between his legs, rubbing it against himself with each thrust of his hips. Then he threw the shirt at the shellshocked blond still sitting stiffly in his chair, and walked closer, trailing his hand over Naruto’s shoulder as he walked to the back of the chair, turning it so Naruto was facing away from the table. Then, snatching the shirt now laying limply in Naruto’s lap, the stripper threw it to the floor, pulled the cap off his head to put it on Naruto’s head. Then he straddled him, hovering inches above Naruto’s lap, hips still swiveling to the hypnotic beat.

Sasuke almost laughed out loud, right there in public, when the stripper suddenly sat fully on Naruto. Naruto obviously wasn’t expecting it, because he gave a start, a loud-yet-strangled noise escaping him in his surprise, arms raised almost defensively.

“That’s what you get for messing with me, idiot. Let’s see how cocky you are after this,” Sasuke muttered to himself, the bitter tang of resentment lacing itself into his amusement.

He really hoped this male stripper made Uzumaki so uneasy he would always be watching his back from now on.

The first sign that things weren’t going according to plan was when the stripper leaned close to Naruto’s ear and whispered something, a strange, unnatural smirk coming to his lips as he did so. Then Naruto’s head snapped to look at the stripper, and Sasuke felt a heavy stone drop in his stomach at the look Naruto gave that stranger. It was… strangely intimate and familiar. Then Naruto’s hands were clutching the stripper’s upper arms, and the stripper was grinding into Naruto’s lap a little harder; a little faster. And Naruto’s face was pink—becoming red. And the stranger was whispering again, and his lips were too close to Naruto’s ear—probably touching it. And Sasuke saw Naruto visibly shiver and he couldn’t take it anymore.

Sasuke’s half-emptied coffee cup hit the table hard, coffee splashing out the top with the momentum. He didn’t notice, too preoccupied with narrowing his eyes dangerously at the scene as he stalked toward them.

“Uzumaki! I knew you were a moron, but I didn’t realize you were a completely shameless slut on top of it!”

Wait. That didn’t come out right. He meant to say exhibitionist. Not slut. Fuck.

Naruto’s attention was immediately on Sasuke, eyes again growing wide from their previously half-lidded state. The stripper, as well, was looking at Sasuke like a deer caught in headlights. It startled Sasuke for a moment, having not really noticed what the stripper looked like when he’d met him briefly earlier. Now, though—seeing that pale skin, black hair, dark eyes, lightly-muscled body so similar to his—it was actually quite a bit surreal. The hairstyle was wrong, of course—laying flat against the stripper’s head with a neat part down the middle—but the only thing really out of place was this guy’s expression. What was with that stupid smile?

“I see. So you call him ‘moron’, too, Mr. Uchiha? No wonder… I was going to call him ‘dickless’, originally. I mean, he was just sitting there without any reaction at all at first… but I’m glad I went with my second choice. It got a much more interesting react—”

The guy obviously had more to say, but a growl from Naruto cut him off and he was dumped to the floor harshly as the blond stood up. In the process, the hat fell off Naruto’s head, hitting the literally-floored stripper in the face.

Sasuke was distracted feeling bewildered by the sound of the stripper’s voice—even that was similar to him! He was definitely going to have a talk with Sakura later for suggesting this guy. (Now he thought he understood why she’d had the guy’s number programmed into her phone already, though.) With a quick glance around, he noticed for the first time that the pinkette was curiously missing from Naruto’s group of friends.

It was because of this distraction that Sasuke didn’t notice the fist heading towards his face. The force of the blow made Sasuke stumble back, but he managed to stay on his feet, glaring his patented deathglare at Naruto. The blond was unaffected, however; fist still clenched and preparing for another punch as Naruto ground his teeth in anger.

“You asshole! You planned this, didn’t you? And you have the nerve to call me a slut?! Do you get off on this kinda thing, or something, Uchiha?!”

“Well, you’re the one over here acting like you want whatever this guy’s offering! I didn’t think you’d actually like it!” Sasuke spit out vehemently as he pointed an accusatory finger, rather than trying to salvage the situation by correcting his first mistake.

Naruto’s reply was another fist to Sasuke’s face. This time, when Sasuke tried to catch himself, he got tripped up by a chair behind him, and ended up on his ass, the chair overturned beside him as he stared up at Naruto, who was red-faced in his sudden fury. Sasuke’s blood was also beginning to boil, anger and frustration with the way things had turned out overriding the last vestiges of his common sense—which, in all likelihood, would normally have told him that this whole thing was a very stupid idea and he should put a stop to it before things got any worse.

“Why wouldn’t I like it?!” Naruto exclaimed, throwing his arms wide as he gestured wildly. “There was a hot guy in my lap, grinding against me!”

Sasuke didn’t comprehend what Naruto was saying anymore. His blood, boiling in anger, was too loud as it rushed through his head. Having no reply for something he didn’t even care to listen to, Sasuke quickly moved to a crouch and was back on his feet just as Naruto quit running his mouth.

It hurt a little to punch Naruto, but the sound of his fist hitting that irritating face was well worth the sting, in Sasuke’s opinion. It was so satisfying, in fact, he did it again. Naruto almost fell, but managed to somehow land on a table, immediately pushing himself off once the table skidded to a stop. He went at Sasuke, but Sasuke caught Naruto’s fist, using the opening created by Naruto’s surprise to land another blow to the blond’s abused cheek.

Naruto broke Sasuke’s hold on him, licking tentatively at the blood at the corner of his mouth. Blue eyes narrowed dangerously, matching Sasuke’s own glare, though Naruto’s eyes had a certain spark in them that Sasuke didn’t think his own had ever had. Something that spoke of liveliness, and that, perhaps, this was just what Naruto needed—a physical battle of wills and strength. Unbeknownst to Sasuke, that last thought did put a new gleam in his own eyes. Naruto saw it, and his blood pumped even faster in anticipation.

Then they were both fisting the collar of the other man’s shirt, right arm cocked back, ready to land a devastating blow—neither of them really sure how they’d ended up in that position. They watched each other with rapt attention, no detail going unnoticed by either of them—each harsh breath; drop of sweat; muscle twitch—both wondering which of them would move to strike first. Before either of them could make their move, though, a sound right next to them interrupted the inevitable pounding both of them firmly believed they would deal out to the other.

“Hmm,” the sound the stripper made was practically a sigh of satisfaction. “I believe Miss Sakura is right. This is definitely what my Sexual Psychology books have described as signs of sexual tension.”

Almost as one, the two riled up men suddenly loosened their grip on each other and turned their fists to the stripper’s face instead.

The stripper fell back with a sound of pained surprise, but was caught by a suddenly-appearing Sakura, her arms hooked under the Sasuke-look-alike’s armpits.

“Are you two crazy?!” the pink haired woman exclaimed in a stage whisper. “Are you trying to get kicked out of school?”

She gave them both a pointed look before shooting her gaze at either entrance, where, when they followed her line of sight, they could see the grey-uniformed campus police squeezing through the crowds that had gathered to watch the fight.

Apparently Uchiha vs. Uzumaki was a popular show.

Sasuke cursed under his breath, his brain already fast at work thinking of the best way to get himself out of this.

“Shit!” Naruto’s curse was quite a bit more audible, and his brain wasn’t normally one for thinking things through. He was more the “act on gut instinct” type of person. So that’s what he did.

Grabbing Sasuke’s collar again, Naruto dragged his darker haired dorm mate towards the large windows that lined one wall in the cafeteria. They were the old-style school windows—the kind that swung out from the top at a 45-degree angle—but big enough that the two grown young men would still fit through them. So, opening the window, Naruto shoved Sasuke through it; up and out. Later, when things had slowed back down to the normal pace of life and Naruto’s thinking was straight again, he would congratulate himself on sneaking a grope into his escape plan without Sasuke even realizing that’s what it was.

The Uchiha fell unceremoniously to the ground some six feet below with an uncharacteristically undignified ‘oof!’ That sound was repeated, in increased volume, a moment later when Naruto dropped down heavily on top of him.

“Thanks for the soft landing, Uchiha,” Naruto said cheekily, earning himself a smack to the back of his head before Sasuke pushed him off completely.

“Idiot,” Sasuke said irritably as he stood and brushed himself off.

Shouting voices could be heard coming closer to the window, and they both glanced up apprehensively before directing the same look towards each other.

“Well…” Naruto said, his voice noticeably quieter than normal as he scratched the back of his head. “See ya later!”

With that, Naruto turned and hightailed it out of the hot zone. Sasuke went the opposite direction, doing his best to look inconspicuous despite the grass stains on his pants and the bruise forming under his eye. He had a class soon, but he decided he would be skipping it today. Hopefully, Naruto wouldn’t have the same idea. Just to be safe (and by ‘safe’, he meant ‘avoid killing his dorm mate in a random fit of rage at seeing his face again so soon’), he decided not to go back to his own dorm room.

Instead, he went to Shikamaru’s, figuring the other boy would find it too troublesome to ask questions, but would nonetheless lend him ice and a place to wait things out.

And that was pretty much how it went. Sasuke knocked on Shikamaru’s door; the droopy-lidded boy answered it, a silent question in his bored stare; Sasuke glowered, one eye feeling puffy as he narrowed his gaze uncooperatively; Shikamaru muttered, “Troublesome,” and opened the door a little wider as he shuffled off to find some ice.

Once he handed a thick stack of wet, ice-filled paper towels to Sasuke, Shikamaru deemed further interaction pointless, and returned to his apparent former activity of watching clouds shift on the map on the weather channel. Sasuke idly wondered if this was what Shikamaru always did on cloudless days, and if it was actually as satisfying as watching the real thing seemed to be to the other boy.

Sasuke found himself staring at the bright TV screen also, just for something to do besides thinking about recent events. After awhile, however—when Sasuke had sufficiently zoned out, mind numbed by the monotony of the weather program he was still staring at—Shikamaru turned to him with unwelcome wisdom in his eyes.

“So, Naruto, huh?”

Sasuke narrowed one eye, the other one already closed underneath the dripping, makeshift icepack.

Then Shikamaru chuckled, shaking his head before leaning back slightly sideways into the couch and turning back to the television. He propped an arm up on the back of the couch so he could lean his head casually into his hand, and looked at the TV as he spoke.

“It’d be a lot less troublesome for everyone if you two would give up the pretense already.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Sasuke asked, his tone warning Shikamaru to choose his words wisely.

Shikamaru yawned and blinked slowly at the blue, green, and white screen. After an extended pause, Shikamaru simply shrugged one shoulder, saying no more. He didn’t really need to. Sasuke knew what he meant, anyway.

It would never happen, though. There was no way he would ever admit even a slight attraction to that moronic blond—let alone actual, full-blown, sexual tension—even if everyone but the man himself seemed to have already guessed. Though his original best excuse for ignoring the fact seemed to have been an error in judgment—if Naruto’s not-completely-hetero reaction to that male stripper was anything to go by—the fact still remained that Naruto was an idiot, with no common sense or sense of propriety whatsoever. There was no way Sasuke would ever let himself have any sort of relationship or physical contact with that guy beyond that of dorm-mates-cum-circumstantial-friends.

Sasuke had just turned his gaze back to the TV, as well—deciding to ignore Shikamaru’s statement altogether and hope he left it at that—when a familiar voice echoed down the hallway outside the room.

“—don’t care what kind of “redeeming attributes” that guy has. Tell him he’s not allowed to imitate Sasuke again! Not even for you, Sakura, I mean it!”

Both of Sasuke’s eyes widened and he dropped the cold, sopping paper towels to the small coffee table when Shikamaru’s door suddenly opened a crack. Naruto didn’t come in yet, apparently wanting to finish his conversation first, despite everyone in the vicinity being able to hear everything he said anyway.

“What?! You wouldn’t— Sa-ku-ra! That’s not fair, you got that for my birthday!”

Despite himself, Sasuke was immensely curious about the conversation, wishing he could hear Sakura’s side as well so he could fully decipher it.

“…fine. Fine! But Orlando better not be messed up when you bring him over, and I better not ever see that Sai guy again, or I’ll— I am not being dramatic! He called me moron, Sakura, moron. While he was grinding on my lap in front of everyone! …I’m not masochistic! It’s just that that’s all he ever calls me! …well, if you didn’t tell that guy, where’d he get the idea, huh? I’m pretty damn sure even Sasuke wouldn’t suggest that. …sure, coincidence.” Even Naruto’s heavy sigh was audible from the hallway. “Fine, whatever. Okay. Yeah, I need to go, too. Shika’s got some notes I need to borrow. …later.”

Naruto had just stuffed his phone back in his pocket and pushed the door open the rest of the way—calling out his presence to Shikamaru as he did so—when Sasuke’s phone started ringing from his pocket. Hearing the familiar ringtone that Sasuke used for girls that didn’t annoy him too much (a title belonging to very few), Naruto’s eyes immediately searched out and found his raven haired roommate sitting on a chair in the small area that served as a living room in Shika’s dorm. Sasuke felt trapped in the suddenly accusatory, blue gaze, but somehow his hand managed to move on its own—pulling out his phone, pushing the ‘talk’ button, and putting it to his ear.

“Hello,” he answered monotonously, still staring unblinkingly back at Naruto, who stood frozen in the doorway.

“Sasuke? It’s Sakura,” the woman’s voice informed him needlessly over the phone. “Look, Naruto’s really pissed off. If I’d known you were going to do that to him in front of everyone, I never would’ve gone along with this!”

She sounded distressed. Normally, Sasuke might have felt apologetic for getting her involved—she was friends with both him and Naruto, after all. At the moment, though, he couldn’t seem to feel anything other than bewilderment at Naruto’s panicked gaze and his own interpretation of the phone call he’d inadvertently eavesdropped on.

“What did you think I was going to do, Sakura?” he continued to deadpan. “That moron’s been pushing my limits for the past month. He needed taught a lesson.”

A strange look came over Naruto’s slightly-bruised face before it twisted into a scowl, and the blond finally broke eye contact, releasing Sasuke from the strange hold he’d had on him.

Sakura sighed into Sasuke’s ear. “You’re right. I should’ve known. God, Sasuke, just… please don’t do anything like that again? Can’t you two settle this… between yourselves?”

Sasuke really didn’t like the subtle innuendo he could read in her suggestion. Sakura sighed again when he refused to answer.

“Okay, well… I’ve got to go now. Oh, wait, can you at least do me a favor, to make this up to me?”

“What is it?” Sasuke was glad his voice came out in the same old monotone, no hint of the slight dread he felt at agreeing to do a favor for a girl he’d slightly wronged.

“Call him by his name, Sasuke.”

Sasuke didn’t get a chance to refuse. She’d already hung up.

With his attention again off of his phone, Sasuke suddenly noticed the way Shikamaru’s eyes were slid sideways towards him, and the way Naruto seemed to be looking anywhere but at him as he rummaged through Shikamaru’s nearby backpack for the notes he needed.

“Shika, where are the notes?”

Shikamaru’s eyes finally slid away from Sasuke to look at Naruto, the blond’s head practically inside the aforementioned backpack.

“Shino said if you want them you can go get them from him yourself,” he informed Naruto lazily.

“What?! But—but! I don’t want to go to That Creepy Bug Guy’s room! He’s hatching maggots in his room, Shika! Maggots!”

A lazy shrug was his only answer, and as Naruto’s eyes automatically slid to Sasuke in accusation—somehow, he just knew this was the Uchiha’s fault—Sasuke decided it was time to leave.

So, with no more than a wave to the original occupant of the room, he left—ignoring the cry of outrage that followed in the form of his surname.


Sasuke sat at their small table that evening, various pages of notes spread across it as he worked on a research paper. Normally he worked on everything on his laptop, but it had been an innocent casualty in the fight between Karin and Suigetsu the other day, and was still being repaired. As it was, he was lucky he’d backed everything up and had been able to take his disk to the computer lab to print out his notes. He could have just stayed in the computer lab to work, but he got stared at enough as it was without encouraging it by sitting there with a black eye. So, he’d decided to work in the dorm instead, knowing Naruto wasn’t there.

Hours passed and Naruto was still conspicuously missing from their room—a fact which Sasuke felt strangely miffed about, despite the peace being more conducive to his current work. Casting a baleful glare at the other occupant in the room, he tried to turn his attention fully to his paper. It just didn’t seem to be working, though. Again his gaze moved to his current companion, his mind wandering of its own volition.

Not long after he’d returned from the computer lab, Sakura had come over, burdened with an armful of cardboard that was taller than her. The cardboard turned out to be a lifesize cutout that had been used for promotion of one of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. After giving Sakura and the ludicrous thing equally dubious looks, Sasuke was informed it was the character Will Turner, played by Orlando Bloom. Realizing that must be the Orlando Naruto had been talking about on the phone earlier, Sasuke had given it an even more suspicious look as Sakura stood it up in a corner.

Before she left, Sakura had made him promise not to mess with it. Like he would. Just being in the same room with that thing was creepy and slightly disturbing, nevermind actually touching it. Though he did feel rather put-out by having the thing staring at him, which tempted him to do something to it, and he was now regretting that promise a little bit. But Sakura had vowed bodily harm and possibly blackmail if he did anything else to majorly upset Naruto. And, apparently, messing with his precious Orlando was just such a thing.

Just as Sasuke realized he was having an unwinnable staring contest with the cardboard Will Turner, his missing dorm mate finally returned. Naruto acknowledged Sasuke’s presence with an angry scowl, but then proceeded to go about his business as if Sasuke wasn’t there at all.

‘Hn, that’s fine with me,’ Sasuke thought, again turning his attention to his homework.

He ignored the noise of Naruto stomping around in their tiny kitchenette, and continued the effort as the blond man sat down across from him with a large, Styrofoam bowl of cup ramen. He ignored Naruto’s obnoxious, obscene slurping as he ate his noodles. He even managed to mostly ignore the completely indecent moans his blond dorm mate always made when eating his favorite food.

Sasuke could not, however, ignore the broth that kept splattering his papers in increasing frequency and amount. When the broth managed to splash across the very sentence he was writing, the droplets burning his skin with the still-near-scalding temperature, Sasuke had had enough. With a growl, he stood abruptly, his chair scraping across the floor loudly, and snatched the half-full bowl right out from under the idiot blond’s nose. No sooner had Naruto looked up in surprise and anger at his meal having been stolen, than his expression changed to one of shock, outrage, and belatedly-realized pain.

“Aah! What the fuck, asshole?! That’s hot!” he cried out, leaping up from his chair and knocking it over in the process, dripping with broth that scalded his tanned skin and made his shirt cling to him. Noodles covered his head and framed his face, a few slipping down to his shoulders or the floor as he gesticulated wildly.

Sasuke snatched up a handful of his ruined papers and waved them angrily in Naruto’s face. “This is what, moron! Just because I know you’re an inconsiderate slob doesn’t mean I have to tolerate it!”

He threw the papers down in exasperation, glaring death so hard into Naruto’s empty skull Sasuke’s eyes actually hurt.

“Get this mess cleaned up,” Sasuke demanded; his pale, pointy fingertip suddenly in Naruto’s face.

Naruto’s eyes crossed a bit at the proximity of Sasuke’s pointing finger. It was really becoming too familiar of a gesture, and he was so tempted to just bite that wagging finger. That would teach the bossy bastard. Just as he took a snap at it, though, the finger was gone again, and Naruto’s teeth clacked together loudly. Sasuke glared at him, sliding his gaze down to his barely-escaped finger—flexing it minutely for a moment, as if checking to make sure it was still intact—before returning the glare to Naruto with increased intensity.

“I’m taking a walk,” Sasuke hissed, pulling his shoes on by the door. He made sure his keys and wallet were in his pockets and left, closing the door firmly behind him.

Naruto stared after his dorm mate a moment before grimacing nastily towards the closed door, taking a handful of noodles off the top of his head and flinging it at the door with a growl of rage. Then another outraged cry erupted from him, when he thought about how he would be expected to clean that up, too.

“Asshole!” he cursed loudly, despite his gritted teeth, but started cleaning up nonetheless. Waiting would just make it worse, when the noodles dried and stuck to everything.

After scooping what he could of the noodles off of himself and into the sink, Naruto pulled off his shirt and scrubbed his face with a handful of water. Then he used the last of their paper towels to clean up what had fallen to the table and floor. When the paper towels ran out, he glanced sideways at Sasuke’s bureau in the “bedroom” section of their room. Naruto knew the bastard kept actual dishrags in there—along with his other, normal towels—because Naruto had specifically been forbidden to use them. In this case, though, he thought using one would be justified—after all, the mess was Sasuke’s fault.

Naruto pulled out a towel, not surprised to find a boring, blue and white stripe pattern. After wetting it, he cleaned up the rest of the mess, including wiping down the door and dabbing at Sasuke’s discarded papers.

“Pbbt!” Naruto blew through his lips in frustration, holding one of Sasuke’s papers up by the corner and inspecting it. “Barely even splashed it. You can still read it just fine! Bastard…” He laid that paper next to its companions on the short bar counter in the kitchenette—some of them overlapping a bit due to the crowded space.

The dishrag was tossed into Sasuke’s hamper, and then Naruto went in search of his own towel. Much as he loved ramen, he didn’t actually want to smell like it for very much longer—especially when it was already beginning to dry in his broth-flattened hair, crusting on his scalp.

After washing off the sticky, salty residue in the community showers, Naruto felt a lot better and had calmed down a bit. He briefly scrubbed himself dry with his towel and slung it around his waist for the walk back to his room. His orange flip-flops left damp footprints on the floor as he walked through the dorm room, now on the search for clean clothes. After searching all his drawers and finding them pretty much empty, Naruto turned apprehensively to the two, large piles of dirty clothes littering his side of the bedroom.

Naruto’s face fell. Oh yeah. He hadn’t done laundry in a few weeks…

With a shrug of resignation, he dove his hands into the first pile, pulling things out and sniffing them, looking for something acceptable enough to wear. He wasn’t above turning a shirt or pair of boxers inside out to make his laundry last a bit longer. Unfortunately, he’d already done that with practically every item of clothing—hence why they had actually made it to a laundry pile, rather than being thrown haphazardly on top of his dresser, hanging from a drawer, or laying at the foot of his bed.

Eyes watering after a sniff of a particularly raunchy shirt—he must have worn that one at the gym—Naruto got some distance between himself and his laundry, wondering what he should do. His eyes passed over the neat and tidy half of the room, and a perfectly mischievous grin overtook his face as the perfect solution hit him.

After pulling on a snug-fitting pair of boxer-briefs, Naruto stuffed his dirty laundry into two large duffel bags, stripping the sheets off his bed, as well. Then he grabbed the box of detergent out from under his bed and the roll of quarters out of his top drawer, and headed down to the laundry room.


When Sasuke returned from his walk, he found the room empty again. The mess was cleaned up, and his abandoned papers were lying on the counter, stained but dry. Upon further inspection, he also found that Naruto had finally decided to do his laundry. Figuring that’s where his dorm mate must be, and pleased with this development (the room even smelled slightly better now that the piles of laundry were gone), Sasuke’s formerly boiling anger fizzled down to its usual simmer.

After opening their window to help air out the room, Sasuke sat down to work on his paper again, but quickly lost interest. It had been a long (long, long) day, and he felt he deserved some time to relax. So, restacking his papers into his backpack, he sat on his bed and turned on the television that took up residence on his desk. While he tried to concentrate on the news, though, Sasuke’s thoughts kept straying to the events of his day and the new discoveries he’d made. Without really meaning to, he began making a mental list of the day’s revelations.

First, Naruto’s buddies would gladly give up his identity in the face of a (fake) law officer (that looked strikingly like Sasuke). Second, Naruto apparently wasn’t as straight as he seemed to be. Third, calling Naruto ‘moron’ apparently turned him on, or at least made him more conducive to receiving a homoerotic lapdance (Sasuke made a mental note to quit calling him that, then immediately mentally-erased it). Fourth, there was some kind of connection between Naruto’s reaction to the Sasuke-look-alike and his reactions to Sasuke himself. Fifth, Naruto had either a weird fascination with pirates, or was an Orlando Bloom fanboy (Sasuke reflexively sent a glare over to the cardboard figure as he listed this point). Sixth, Naruto looked uncommonly good drenched in hot ramen broth, his shirt wet and clinging to him in all the right places—Sasuke forcefully put a stop to that thought and pushed it so far to the back of his brain that he convinced himself the memory was deleted.

Just as Sasuke was, again, trying to focus his attention on CNN rather than thoughts of his dorm mate, said dorm mate returned, two duffel bags of apparently-clean laundry in tow. Sasuke could smell the fresh scent of Naruto’s laundry detergent wafting through the room, and unconsciously took a deep breath of it. As much as Naruto’s dirty laundry tended to reek, his clean laundry was always equally and oppositely pleasant—perhaps even addictive—to smell. More than a few times, Sasuke had even been tempted to use his blond dorm mate’s detergent rather than his own, but his pride and habit kept him from following through with the urge.

As Naruto moved further into the room, closing the door behind him with his foot, Sasuke’s eyes widened a fraction when he realized Naruto was shirtless. In fact, if the quick glimpse before Sasuke resolutely turned his eyes away was to be believed, Naruto was only wearing a snug pair of black boxers. What was that moron doing prancing around the building outside their room in only boxers and his ridiculous flipflops?!

Scowling to himself—both at the blond’s stupidity and Sasuke’s own concern about it—Sasuke stared at the television with such conviction not to let his gaze wander that his eyes became blurry and unfocused. He heard Naruto flop his duffel bags down on his side of the room, then the soft sliding sounds of Naruto taking off his flipflops and putting them under his bed, along with the detergent. The next thing Sasuke knew, his bed was bouncing slightly as a body flopped on it, and he blinked focus back into his vision, only to realize that his TV was no longer on CNN and was now showing some kind of cartoon.

Despite his earlier conviction not to let himself look at the shirtless Naruto, Sasuke whipped his head towards the blond.

“What do you think you’re doing, moron?” Sasuke snapped, reaching for the remote the blond had picked up from Sasuke’s bed.

“Watchin’ Family Guy, what’s it look like?” Naruto replied, instinctively pulling his arm back, keeping the remote out of reach.

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed, refusing to acknowledge to himself the way his eyes automatically traced the definition of Naruto’s arm, muscles flexing as he raised it.

“No, I’m watching CNN,” Sasuke corrected, smacking Naruto’s head and using the blond’s immediate distraction to snatch the remote back. The TV returned to its rightful channel, and Sasuke tried to concentrate on reading the ticker on the bottom of the screen rather than the mostly-naked blond rubbing his injury next to him.

“Asshole,” Naruto grumbled.

Sasuke tried to ignore him as Naruto moved into a different position on the bed, slightly closer to Sasuke in what the blond probably thought was a companionable way. Not for the first time since starting to room with Naruto, Sasuke wondered if Naruto was genuinely being friendly, or if he was simply trying to drive Sasuke insane with either his stupidity or his tantalizing, tanned, muscular body.

Sasuke didn’t think Naruto knew about his sexual persuasion—he’d done everything possible to keep it from being public knowledge, after all. (He wasn’t ashamed; he just didn’t think it was anyone else’s business.) But Naruto had an ego to match his loud, boisterous personality, and no doubt thought flaunting himself could somehow gave him a one-up on Sasuke.

Every time Sasuke thought he had figured out the enigma that was Naruto, the blond threw him for another loop, keeping him on his toes. Sasuke tended to lean more towards the ‘clueless stupidity’ answer, in general. But then there were times like these.

“The news is so boring,” Naruto said, reaching for the remote again and pressing his body against Sasuke’s in the process.

Sasuke stiffened slightly, suddenly immensely aware of the definition in Naruto’s sleekly-muscled chest as he leaned against Sasuke’s arm, reaching for the remote. Just as Naruto’s fingers touched Sasuke’s—which were tightly clutching the remote as he stretched his arm out of reach—Sasuke took a short, involuntary gasp of breath. His nose suddenly filled with the clean scent of after-shower-Naruto, but before Sasuke could let the enticing smell distract him, he elbowed the blond in the gut.

“Oof!” Naruto grunted, instinctively retreating from the offending pointy limb. He wasn’t deterred, however; in fact, Sasuke’s lack of cooperation only served to spark Naruto’s determination to win. With a grin, he pounced on the raven haired man, pinning him bodily in an awkward sideways position—half on his side, half on his back, and all four limbs pinned in varying angles.

“Moron!” Sasuke complained, his voice slightly strained from the weight of Naruto on his uncomfortably-placed body. “It’s my TV, anyway!”

“So what?!” Naruto argued oh-so-intelligently, apparently uncaring that the side of Sasuke’s knee was digging into both of their ribs while Sasuke’s other foot was unsuccessfully trying to kick him in a place that would really hurt if he succeeded. “It’s my room, too, and all you ever want to watch is news! That shit gets depressing after awhile, you know?!”

Sasuke tried to push the blond off, but his right arm was pinned between his body and Naruto’s, and the left was pinned against the bed by his body and Naruto’s grip as he tried to pry the remote from Sasuke’s fingers. Sasuke wriggled his right hand as best he could, bit by bit, trying to free it. He refused to allow himself to notice how warm Naruto was against his body—which was slightly chilled from the night air coming through the window—or the definition of Naruto’s chest muscles beneath smooth, taut skin (did he wax his chest, Sasuke idly wondered? It obviously wasn’t due to a late onset of puberty or other such thing.). And, by the way, Sasuke had definitely not felt Naruto’s nipple react to his arm rubbing past it, or heard the blond’s breath catch slightly as he did so.

Finally maneuvering his hand so he could push Naruto off of him a little, Sasuke scooted his body into a more comfortable, less vulnerable position. However, Naruto was still on top of him, leaning heavily on Sasuke’s pulled-up knees and looking at him triumphantly, as if the fact that he’d managed to grasp part of the remote above Sasuke’s hand meant that he’d already won. Sasuke’s eyes narrowed and, with a burst of energy, he pushed Naruto away forcefully with his knees and free hand.

Naruto gave an inarticulate shout as he landed sprawled on his back on the other end of Sasuke’s bed, the wind knocked out of him slightly and his head smarting from where it knocked into the low footboard. Without wasting a moment, Sasuke pinned his dorm mate, pressing his arm across Naruto’s chest to lean against it and holding the remote above his head with a smirk.

He should have taken into account the fact that Naruto’s arms weren’t pinned like his had been, though. There was barely a moment for Sasuke to see Naruto’s irritated expression suddenly morph into the blond’s own version of a smirk—mischievously cocky and deceivingly dangerous, both to Sasuke’s sanity and libido. Then Sasuke’s wrist was caught in Naruto’s right hand, and Naruto’s left hand had hold of the remote again.

Glaring at the blond, Sasuke shifted his weight back to his legs in order to grab the blond’s left wrist with his right hand, his left hand already playing tug-of-war with the remote. Naruto’s eyes glowed up at him as the blond’s head suddenly lunged, mouth opening, teeth sinking into the flesh of Sasuke’s right wrist—not enough to break skin, just enough to make him wholly aware that his wrist was in Naruto’s mouth. It was hot and wet and sharp and—oh, God, his cock did not just twitch at that thought!

Sasuke was suddenly aware of how intimate their position was—Sasuke kneeling between Naruto’s parted legs, which had tightened around his hips to hold him in place as Naruto bit him. Taking notice of the precise situation he was in only served to further provoke Sasuke’s much-unwanted arousal. He attempted to nonchalantly pull his hips back before a certain part of his anatomy that was fast becoming erect came in contact with Naruto’s body, struggling against Naruto’s hold on his wrist and the remote at the same time. Naruto’s hips held steadfast, though—as did his teeth, sinking just a little further until Sasuke knew they would leave impressions.

Sasuke hissed at the sting in his wrist, but the pain only made the blood already heading south rush that much quicker, for some bizarre reason. Naruto’s knees were holding him even tighter now, and there was a way-too-pleasant vibration on his arm as Naruto started growling into the bite, apparently ridiculously determined to have the damn remote. Sasuke had just realized his own part in this fight was absurd for the price he would pay in humiliation, and was intending to give up, when the idea became moot.

He shuddered minutely as his erection—now straining inside his low-rise jeans—came in contact with Naruto’s body. The muscles on the backs of his legs and butt trembled slightly with the effort to not seek more delicious contact, but his struggle soon became pointless when Naruto’s knees slid around to the back of his ass and his hips bucked up towards Sasuke’s. That’s when Sasuke realized: the part of Naruto he was pressing against was not warm and soft, but hot—almost scorchingly so—and unequivocally hard. If his pulse hadn’t been fast enough before, it was definitely racing now; he could feel the thrum of it practically pulsing in his cock. He wouldn’t be surprised if Naruto could feel it as well, pressed together as they were.

He wasn’t sure when the fight for the remote had been abandoned. They both still had a hold of it, and his wrist was still clamped snugly between Naruto’s teeth, but there was no longer any struggle. Naruto was blinking up at him with a shock clear on his face that Sasuke suddenly realized must be mirrored on his own face, as well. Then Naruto’s hips moved again, and his eyes rolled slightly, and Sasuke felt those teeth on his wrist anew, though now the biting was accompanied by the soft, wet tip of a tongue and a light suction that ludicrously left Sasuke wanting more.

Sasuke’s guard dropped—he loosened his grip on the remote—and Naruto took advantage of it to claim the remote for his own. He didn’t stop his ministrations, though; instead, he merely slipped the remote between the slats of the footboard, letting it drop to the ground with a clatter. His right hand still holding Sasuke’s left wrist firmly, Naruto used his now-remote-free hand to hold Sasuke’s right wrist in place as he continued his ministrations with teeth and tongue.

Moron, what do you think you’re doing?” Sasuke asked, his voice coming out much too breathily; the insult too much like a moan as Naruto gave another, slightly-jerky thrust of his hips.

Finally, Sasuke’s wrist was released from Naruto’s mouth, and the blond slid the flat of his tongue over the would-be wound—eyes focused on Sasuke with such intensity he might rightfully guess he were prey—before Naruto answered.

“What’s it feel like I’m doing, you bastard?” with this, he gave another thrust of his hips—this time slower, more of a swivel, and full of intention.

Sasuke turned his face to the ceiling, closing his eyes as he fought the urge to reply with his hips; a moment later, feeling that he’d re-grasped his resolve, he returned his glare to the blond beneath him.

“Not interested.” Again he struggled to retreat from Naruto’s hold on him.

A strange look crossed Naruto’s features then; almost like hurt, insecurity, and disappointment all rolled into one—with a hint of something that told of Naruto having expected this in the first place, and being resigned to it. It made Sasuke pause, just for a moment, but that small lapse in his own will became a weapon against him when confidence suddenly burned again in Naruto’s eyes and Naruto’s own will returned. Sasuke again found himself pinned to the bed, Naruto on top of him, now straddling his legs. Sasuke’s wrists were pinned to the bed on either side of his head and Naruto leaned into his face, their noses almost touching and making Sasuke’s eyes lose focus momentarily as all he could see was blueblueblue.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Uchiha. You want this just as much as I do, admit it.” Naruto’s voice was practically a growl, sending a shiver running uninhibited down Sasuke’s spine.

A lump was building in Sasuke’s throat, and he anxiously tried to swallow it even as he grit his teeth against admitting any such thing. This only seemed to make Naruto even more sure of himself, however.

“Hell, you need it. Maybe even more than I do.”

Naruto’s breath was fanning hot against his lips, and smelled of Dr. Pepper—Naruto tended to get one from the vending machine in the laundry room—with the slight hint of the ramen from earlier underneath it. Sasuke was really disturbed to find that he wasn’t at all turned off by this detail. In fact, he suddenly had an inexplicable craving to taste secondhand Dr. Pepper. And Naruto, apparently, could read minds.

Sasuke wasn’t sure which of them had moved first, but then their lips were mashing together with a sudden intensity, teeth and tongues coming into play with such ferocity Sasuke would be surprised if his lips and tongue weren’t bruised and bloody later. He didn’t care, though, because Naruto’s teeth were scraping along his tongue, and Sasuke nipped at Naruto’s lips and sucked on his tongue in kind. He could taste the Dr. Pepper as their tongues met and tangled, and then his recognition of the taste melted away to become categorized as Naruto while their tongues danced and fought and conquered one after the other in turn.

Naruto’s mouth suddenly moved away, and only then did Sasuke become aware that their hips were moving, too; keeping a rhythm very similar to what their tongues had been doing as they searched for moremoremore. Seemingly with minds of their own, Sasuke’s hands had moved to grip Naruto’s back, and were now sliding downdowndown, gripping the blond’s firm ass and pulling him closer, grinding them harder together. Naruto taunted him, though, resisting the pull and instead maintaining the barest contact.

“Say it, bastard. Tell me you need it,” Naruto’s hot breath was against his ear now, and Sasuke’s skin prickled tantalizingly, every hair on that side of his head and the back of his neck raising. Naruto gave his ear a teasing swipe with his tongue, and the prickle became a buzz that zipped through him, making Sasuke gasp involuntarily, hips jerking up as they again searched for more friction.

“Moron… why would I ever say such a thing?” Sasuke asked defiantly, despite his body screaming at him that he was stupidstupidstupid.

Naruto’s hips jerked in a similar fashion as Sasuke’s just had, and for a moment Sasuke thought he had won the prize without having to pay, and they were grinding together, and yesyesyespleasemoremoremore. Then Naruto stopped suddenly, and glared down at him with a wrath to match that which Sasuke’s libido currently held, and then Naruto pulled away altogether—giving Sasuke a forceful shove against the mattress as he did so.

The suddenly devastating lack of contact and amazingly loud scream Sasuke swore he could hear from inside his body drove Sasuke to action. Before Naruto could leave the bed, Sasuke had pinned him to the wall, knees sliding under Naruto’s splayed legs , hands pinning Naruto’s arms above his head.

Despite his pinned position, Naruto had triumph shining in his eyes as he smirked up at Sasuke.

“Need something, Uchiha?” he asked, arching his neck in an entirely too-inviting way, eyes never leaving Sasuke’s.

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed even as his pupils dilated fully, his already-dark eyes seeming to turn completely black.

“Can’t even finish what you started, idiot?” Sasuke challenged, still refusing to admit defeat, though his hips pressed to Naruto to punctuate his words.

Naruto’s breathing was labored as he stifled a moan, unwilling to back down, either.

“But you started it, Sasuke. So who’s the idiot?” Naruto said with dark amusement sparking in his eyes and his voice.

The accusation startled Sasuke a bit with its truth and sincerity. Indeed, not only had he been the one to essentially open the door to this when he’d first had Naruto pinned tonight, but even hours ago it seems he’d set off a chain reaction with his hopelessly miscalculated stripper prank that had ultimately, somehow, led to this.

This. This entirely surreal, unbelievable situation that had Sasuke pressing Naruto to the wall, a certain part of his anatomy hard as can be and also pressing against Naruto, while the same hard-as-a-rock part of Naruto dug insistently into his hip as Sasuke unconsciously rocked them together. This terrible situation that Sasuke had fought against even getting into for so long—only to find, once he was in it, that he didn’t really know why he’d fought it to begin with. This situation where his pride and their clothes were the only things coming between Sasuke and moments of undoubtedly sheer bliss.

When in his usual calm, collected, unaffected state of mind, Sasuke would have scoffed at the idea that mere moments of supposed bliss were enough to toss his pride aside. At this second, however, that wasn’t the case, and Sasuke was now beyond willing to toss his pride aside along with their clothes.

“Fine, if I started it, I’ll definitely finish it,” he said with conviction as his hands left Naruto’s wrists in order to tug Naruto’s too-tight underwear down enough to free his straining cock.

His hands now free, Naruto began tugging at Sasuke’s clothes as well, practically ripping Sasuke’s shirt off in his effort to feel more of Sasuke’s skin against his. As Sasuke’s hand wrapped around him, Naruto moaned and momentarily gave up his fumbling with Sasuke’s belt, in favor of digging a hand into Sasuke’s hair and kissing him hard.

Sasuke’s confidence in the situation stuttered once he finally had Naruto’s manhood in his hand—hot and heavy and surging into his grip in search of more friction. It had been ages since he’d done anything sexual with someone else, and those times had mostly been awkward teenage fumblings with people he didn’t feel he was putting anything on the line with. But with Naruto, everything was always so intense, and Sasuke realized he actually liked the blond—not just for his sex appeal, but for his spitfire personality and friendship, as well. Was he really ready to cross this line? Before he could fully second-guess himself, though, Naruto’s hand was tugging his hair and his tongue was searching out Sasuke’s and Naruto’s other hand was around his, encouraging him to move.

When Sasuke reaffirmed his grip, Naruto’s groan vibrated against his tongue, quickly answered by Sasuke’s own groan when Naruto’s hand moved to rub at the straining bulge in Sasuke’s pants. Sasuke started tugging at his own belt with his free hand, squeezing Naruto with his other hand in the process. Soon Naruto’s hands replaced Sasuke’s, and the belt buckle clicked against the zipper as Naruto undid that as well. Then jeans were tugged and underwear was pulled, finally releasing Sasuke from their tight confines and into Naruto’s warm, welcoming hand.

Having Sasuke in his hand seemed to turn Naruto on even more, his grip tightening possessively as he started up a fast rhythm, his mouth moving from Sasuke’s mouth, leaving a furious line of kisses along Sasuke’s jaw until he got to the spot on his neck just below his ear. Then the teeth were back, and with them the tongue, and Sasuke quickened the pace of both his hand and his thrusts as Naruto’s teeth sunk slightly into his sensitive neck and sucked. In turn, Naruto’s hand moved faster as well, and he hummed his pleasure against Sasuke’s sensitized skin, sucking a little harder before laving the hurt away with his tongue.

“Mmm—!” Sasuke moaned, apparently unable to complete the pleasured utterance of ‘moron’, because nothing Naruto was doing at the moment was moronic.

“S-Ssaa… fa-faster…” Naruto demanded with harsh breaths in Sasuke’s ear.

The scrape of his teeth on Sasuke’s earlobe followed his words, sending tingles through Sasuke that increased the already-thrilling sensations. Naruto pressed his thumb to the precum-slick head of Sasuke’s cock, teasing around it before obeying his own command and stroking again—hard and fast.

“Na-Naruto!” Sasuke exclaimed, feeling his climax building up quickly.

It hadn’t been a conscious decision to say Naruto’s actual name, but once it was out it sent a surprising thrill through Sasuke, along with the immediate urge to stake some kind of claim on the blond. With that instinct driving him—for, indeed, he didn’t have a conscious thought in his head at the moment—Sasuke’s mouth found Naruto’s neck and quickly left a nice, red kiss-mark, soon giving it a twin a little lower on his collar bone.

The combination of sensations—Sasuke’s hand stroking him faster and faster, Sasuke’s mouth hot and demanding on his neck, his name on Sasuke’s lips—sent Naruto plunging into the great abyss so suddenly he almost felt like he’d been punched in the gut except it was sogoodsogoodsogood.

“Sasuke!” Naruto cried hoarsely with his last burst of gut-punched breath, and then Sasuke’s hand was warm and wet and slick with something quite familiar—yet not, because it wasn’t his, it was Naruto’s.

Naruto’s hand unconsciously slowed down in the final dregs of his orgasm and mind-numbing buzz that followed immediately after. Realizing that he was doing all the work now, thrusting himself into Naruto’s lax hand, Sasuke growled in the blond’s ear.

“Finish what you started, moro—Naruto,” Sasuke corrected at the last second, curious if the thrill from before could be repeated. It could.

Even as Sasuke welcomed the bolt of pleasure traveling up and down his spine at simply saying Naruto’s name in this situation, Sasuke felt Naruto give a final twitch in his hand, and the hand around Sasuke suddenly gripped and strokestrokedstroked. Sasuke’s orgasm crashed through him like a bolt of lightning, leaving him practically gasping for breath, his forehead leaning on Naruto’s shoulder—unsure whether it was his sweat or Naruto’s slicking the skin between them, and not really caring in the slightest.

He could feel Naruto’s frantic pulse against his temple, gradually slowing down to a more normal range. Naruto’s breath was hot as it puffed out against Sasuke’s overheated skin, but nonetheless raised goosebumps under the light sheen of sweat covering him. Somehow, it was a pleasant feeling, which was good because Sasuke didn’t particularly want to move at the moment.

Finally, though, they had to move. Sasuke’s legs were falling asleep from sitting on them too long, and he was becoming all-too-aware of how his now-spent manhood was simply hanging out from his opened fly. Likewise, Naruto was getting antsy from trying to sit still in the same position for so long, having not wanted to move until Sasuke did since he’d started belatedly worrying about what Sasuke’s reaction would be now that this had happened between them.

Both men groaned lowly when Sasuke finally moved from his position, allowing Naruto to move as well. While Sasuke wiped his hand off with a tissue from the nearby box and then took care making sure he wasn’t stuck to his zipper before tucking himself back into his pants, Naruto simply wiped his hand off on Sasuke’s bed sheet and lifted the waistband of the boxer-briefs, letting it snap against his skin as he put it back in place.

Sasuke’s face screwed up in distaste at the way Naruto had gotten Sasuke’s cum off his hand, but then the flex of muscles as Naruto got off his bed and started stretching almost-fully distracted him from any thoughts of chastising his dorm mate’s manners.

Naruto turned, formerly-confident blue gaze now looking at Sasuke with concern. “You okay?” he asked in an uncharacteristically small voice.

Sasuke scowled at him. “I’m not a girl, moron, you don’t have to play delicate with me.”

Naruto’s eyes widened at the bit of venom in that statement. “No, that’s—that’s not what I meant… I mean… are we okay? You and me? I mean… this isn’t gonna change things between us, is it?”

Much as he welcomed the idea of a physical relationship with Sasuke, Naruto didn’t want to lose the friendship/rivalry they had because of sex-triggered awkwardness between them.

Suddenly, Sasuke thought he understood Naruto’s uncalled-for timidness. His mouth quirked at one corner in a sort of amusement. “Tch, of course not. Don’t be an idiot.”

He cuffed Naruto around the back of his head, but there was no strength behind it, merely an affectionate gesture. Naruto gave him a grin that slowly turned Cheshire, an obvious leer quickly accompanying it. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him, but found himself smiling in return.

Feeling that things were settled between them, Naruto crossed to his side of the room, intent on digging his sheets out of the bag of laundry and re-dressing his bed, but something caught his eye and made him detour.

“Orlando! You’re finally here!” he exclaimed, going over to the cardboard figure and hugging it.

Sasuke suddenly felt his irrational jealousy from earlier rising, and immediately tried to distract himself from being jealous of cardboard by watching Naruto’s backside with an openly-appreciative gaze. But as he did so, he spotted something that made his eyes narrow and a vein in his temple start throbbing in irritation.

“Uzumaki,” he said with a sudden deadly chill in his voice. “Why are you wearing my underwear?!”

Naruto had stopped dead, shoulders stiffening when he heard that tone, but when he turned, he looked positively pleased with himself as he answered. “Well, it’s your fault, really. What with you dumping the ramen on me, and me not having any clean boxers after I took a shower… so I thought, hey, Sasuke owes me. Besides, I figured it was the simplest way to get into your pants. Though I definitely think the other way is more fun.” Naruto waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Sasuke.

The throbbing vein in Sasuke’s temple now felt like it was going to explode, but Naruto couldn’t see that beneath Sasuke’s long bangs. What he could see was Sasuke’s patented deathglare aimed at him, and the way the Uchiha’s body suddenly tensed, as if waiting to pounce on its prey—as much as he wanted to twist that into something sexual, it was quite obvious, even to Naruto, that it was currently anything but.

So, Naruto did what anyone with half a brain would do if that look was directed at them. He bolted for the door.


Just after one in the morning, Sakura woke from a pleasant dream to the sound of a familiar banging at her door. Ignoring the glare Ino sent to her because of her sleep being interrupted as well, Sakura shuffled slowly for the door, still bleary from sleep.

“Sa-ku-ra!” Naruto whined through the door. “Come on, open the door! It’s freezing out here!”

Rolling her eyes, Sakura unlocked the door and opened it. The sight of Naruto standing in her hallway, in nothing but his boxers was, unfortunately, an all-too-familiar sight, and didn’t even manage to wake her up the rest of the way. What did manage this great task, however, was the fact that, as her gaze shifted to his firm backside out of guy-ogling habit, she noticed something quite out of the norm.

Right there on the back of the black boxer-briefs, just above the curve of Naruto’s well-toned ass, was the familiar, yet entirely out-of-place Uchiha family crest.

Sakura’s eyes widened, her brain quickly waking up and putting all the pieces together. She opened her mouth to quip the most clever remark she’d ever thought up concerning Naruto and Sasuke’s sexual tension finally being soothed, but—

“Shut up, Sakura, please,” Naruto said irritably before she could utter even one, little word.

She frowned at him but he ignored it, grabbing the extra pillow off Sakura’s bed, and the throw folded over the footboard. Then he curled up on the tiny, foam sofa to sleep.

Making a mental note to get all the details in the morning, Sakura locked the door and returned to her bed.

As he lay on the not-very-soft sofa trying to fall asleep, Naruto silently cursed—for probably the millionth time—the fact that he’d run out of the dorm in only Sasuke’s boxers. It had only taken ten minutes of Sasuke chasing him for the raven haired man to realize his great advantage and return to their room—locking Naruto out.

His attempt to get in through the window had failed before it even started, when he’d watched Sasuke close and lock it while Naruto was still contemplating how to get up to it. He’d tried going to Gaara’s, but when the redhead raised a creepily-amused non-eyebrow at him and gestured for him to come inside, Naruto had suddenly had a change of heart. He’d tried Shikamaru, but That Creepy Bug Guy was there, so Naruto had quickly found an excuse to leave. He wasn’t even going to try Kiba. He’d never hear the end of it.

Eventually, beginning to shiver from the brisk night air, he’d realized his only option was to come to Sakura’s room. He was so not looking forward to the demand for, “Details, details!” he knew awaited him in the morning. He knew from experience, his current refusal to explain would not be tolerated when the girl was fully awake.

Oh, he was so going to get that bastard back!


The next day, it was all Sasuke could do to keep from stomping into his shared dorm room after his classes were over.

“..moron.. leaving marks like that… I look like I was chewed on by a wild animal!”

Sasuke grumbled to himself as he dumped his school things on his bed and started gathering his things for a shower. At this time of day, the showers were normally empty, and he could enjoy a nice, hot, private shower. He grabbed his towel, clothes, and shower bag and left to do just that.

It was only after he’d showered and was getting dressed that Sasuke noticed something very wrong with his clothes. These were not his black boxers with “Porn Star” emblazoned on the back in glittery silver. These were not his inappropriately-ripped jeans, and this was definitely not his white t-shirt that read “I’m too sexy for this shirt” in big, black letters.

But, having nothing else to wear, as his former set of clothes had mysteriously fallen into a puddle while he showered, Sasuke put the dry clothes that were not his on anyway. He turned the shirt inside out, but it really didn’t make much difference and possibly looked even stupider that way, with the tag sticking out and big, black letters still visible (though backwards) through the well-worn, tight, white shirt. With a hiss of irritation, he turned the shirt right side out again, grabbed his things, and hurried for his room with as much dignity as he could manage.

“Uzumaki, you absolute moron!” he accused, finger pointing at the blond watching cartoons on his bed without a care in the world.

Naruto looked over at him curiously and grinned, “Oh, hey, Sasuke!”

Ignoring his greeting, Sasuke stalked over to him, tossing his things haphazardly into the places they belonged before turning his glare back to Naruto, a hand on his hip.

“What is the meaning of this, moron?” he demanded, gesturing to the shirt he’d been circumstantially forced to wear.

A blond brow rose dubiously at the question. “I… think it means… you’re too sexy for your shirt… Sasuke.” Naruto’s lips twitched with obvious effort to stay serious.

Sasuke growled. “That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”

“Well…” Naruto began, getting up from the bed and walking towards him.

Sasuke eyed him with suspicion.

Naruto got close enough to touch, and slipped his fingers under the very edge of Sasuke’s t-shirt. Sasuke tried to ignore the way this simple gesture made his heart rate increase.

“It’s true, you know,” Naruto told him with that mischievous smirk. Then he grabbed the bottom of the t-shirt and yanked it up and over Sasuke’s head, leaving him bare-chested, on display for Naruto’s viewing pleasure. “You’re definitely too sexy for this shirt.”

Sasuke scowled at his grinning dorm-mate-turned-something-else, resolutely ignoring the heat he could feel seeping into his face—no doubt coloring him red. “And another thing,” Sasuke said, holding onto the remnants of his irritation. “The bite marks you left on my neck are horrible. I look like I was attacked by a rabid animal.”

“What? These marks?” Naruto asked before leaning in and tracing his tongue over the purple bruise he’d left the night before—one of many.

“Yeah, those,” Sasuke tried to seethe, but the shudder that went through him at Naruto’s ministrations made his words wobble unconvincingly.

He tried to keep a hold of his irritation, thinking about how Naruto—as usual—just thought he could do whatever he pleased and charm his way out of getting in trouble. Well, that didn’t work on Sasuke! Sasuke was always the one to keep Naruto trying, working hard to one-up Sasuke even as Sasuke did the same in Naruto’s case. Sasuke would not let Naruto get his way this easily just because a new variable entered the equation.

Still, as Naruto’s tongue moved from one spot to another, Sasuke decided he would just have to give better than he got in this instance, as well. He would definitely enjoy trying, at least.


Two weeks later, Naruto sat at the table eating his morning ramen when a familiar cry of outrage met his ears from down the hallway.

“Uzumaki, you absolute moron!”

‘Hmm, déjà vu,’ he thought idly to himself as a chill much more pleasant than it ought to have been ran up his spine.

Sasuke was shouting at him again. Something about empty hair gel and Naruto owing him two bottles now and blahblahblahblahblah. Naruto didn’t really care, but he also didn’t care to stop Sasuke’s voice for the time being. He simply took another bite of ramen. Then that finger was wagging in his face—that oh-so-familiar gesture—and Naruto wasted no time in following his natural urges this time.

Sasuke stopped talking, mid-sentence, and simply stared at Naruto’s mouth—a mouth that currently held his finger captive between sharp teeth. Dark eyes blinked; once, twice. A black eyebrow rose.

“I knew you were a biter,” the raven haired man commented with a wry smirk.

Naruto waggled his eyebrows, sucking on the finger a little and making Sasuke’s breath hitch involuntarily.


The utterance was meant as a rebuke, but didn’t quite do the job when it came out as a huskily-breathed name rather than a biting insult.

Twenty minutes later, ramen had been spilled, the table was overturned, clothes were strewn about, and Sasuke’s hair would definitely need restyled if he’d ever been able to style it to begin with. And maybe he’d imagined it, but Naruto was almost positive he’d caught Sasuke sending his Will Turner cutout a superior smirk. He couldn’t be sure, though, because in the next instant Sasuke had flipped their positions and Naruto was distracted by Sasuke’s tongue in his mouth.

Maybe things had changed a bit between them, Naruto thought. But for the most part things were the same, and the things that had changed only made it better. Anyway, it was all Sasuke’s fault for being too hard for Naruto to resist in the end. But if Sasuke wanted to point the blame at him every once in a while, Naruto didn’t think he’d mind so much anymore. At least, not in certain cases.


The End


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